Keiran Stewart Neill

Keiran was born on February 14 2006 at 5.20am. He was born sleeping at 40 +2 weeks gestation. He is
loved by everyone who knows him and had an impact on everyone around us. You were only with us a
short time but you are forever in our hearts.
He sadly had a hole in his heart which was just too big for him to survive. He no longer has to
suffer and is in heaven playing with all the other angels, not having to suffer any of the cruel
dealings which life brings.
I chose the name Keiran as it has the same meaning as my name, Kerrie. It means the dark one or dark
haired, and his middle name Stewart, after my dad, who was such a rock to me throughout everything,
and stayed with me as i gave birth to his first grandson, even though he knew along with me that he
would never take a breath. I love you dad, i couldnt of got through it without you, and all my
family i love you all too, you were all such rocks keeping me strong even though you were all
suffering along with me. I dont know what i would of done without you. Also my best friends,
especially Gemma and Sarah who came to be with me in the hospital the morning i lost him, thankyou
so much. Also a special thankyou to all the "due in feb" mummies, you were there for me when i
needed you all, and the star you bought for my angel was so touching. I will never forget what every
one of you have done for me, i will be forever grateful to you all. Keiran will be so proud that i
have had such great support.
He was my first born, my parents first grandchild and my grandparents first greatgrandchild. His
departure affected everyone greatly especially me, his mummy. He will never ever be forgotten by
anyone and is missed every second of the day.
He was perfect in every way and the most gorgeous little boy i have ever had the pleasure of
knowing. Even though I only got to know him while he was inside me for 9 months, we still managed to
play and I still spoke to him every day. He hopefully knows how much he is loved and looks over all
who loves him and misses him.
I wrote a poem for him which was read out at his funeral, I put a copy of it in his coffin with him
so he will always have it close to his heart. He was also burried with a Tigger comfort blanket that
his Auntie Keely bought for him, so he will always have something to hold on to and cuddle and
comfort him.
Here is the poem which i wrote for him:


For my angel.


Another angel must of been needed
past those two pearly gates.
He has chosen perfection with you my son,
there has been no crueler fate.

I will think of you always and forever,
and keep you close at heart.
i will never forget our first and last cuddle,
it should of been just the start.

I have never felt a love so strong,
or felt a pain so great.
I imagine you still laying in my arms,
waiting for you to wake

I will never forget you as long as i live,
and await to see you again
But there must be some reason why
You have been taken away.

I hope you will watch down on me,
keeping me safe and strong.
Help me through each day without you,
keeping our special bond.

So for now this is my goodbye my angel,
Do the job well you were taken for.
Every day without u that goes by
will keep me loving you more and more.


Love you forever Keiran.
Mummy xxxxxxxxx

A couple of other poems that i have wrote:

FALSE SMILES


My heart is breaking,
to have you near me,
my body is aching.

The tears that role,
soaking my face,
killing my soul.

Keeping up this pretence,
of being strong,
you know its all pretend.

I long to feel your touch,
to stroke your hair,
the longing is too much.

So while im smiling,
you know on the inside,
that my heart is breaking.

The false smile,
i put on for everyone,
while inside i cry.


LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDRIES

Love knows no boundries,
it doesnt know when to stop,
it will bound you in a quandary,
is this love or depression i've got?

Its you who keeps me normal,
although you're driving me insane,
i am feeling things slightly paranormal,
is that you baby just know its not in vein.

Crying oceans, not rivers of tears,
i cant believe you left my arms.
every day is filled with fears
nothing can keep me calm.

Love knows no boundries,
it doesnt know when to stop,
it will bound you in a quandary,
is this love or depression i've got?

Come back to lay in my arms,
I will do anything for that feeling back.
you left me with such an alarm
But your name is forever on a plaque.

I will never forget you gorgeous,
i will always see your face,
there is nothing that will be as precious
in any other place.

Love knows no boundries,
it doesnt know when to stop,
it will bound you in a quandary,
is this love or depression i've got?


INCOMPLETE


I thought you would be the one,
be the one that would complete me.
But that dream was ripped away
the day you were taken from me.


My incompleted heart should be whole,
made whole by the presence of you.
But instead it has been torn apart,
never to be repaired, always in two.


I question why this happened each day,
I wonder what i must of done,
what have i done to deserve this hurt?
Will my happiness ever come?


I no longer know how to walk along,
through the streets of life.
Everyday from this point on
will be filled with hurt and strife.


I close my eyes and see your face,
and try hard not to crumble.
But the simplest of things in life,
Just make me fall and stumble


WHAT MAKES?



what makes the sky blue?
what makes the sun shine?
what makes the stars gleam?
it must be the presence of you.

what makes me smile?
what makes me cry?
what makes me beam with pride?
its you baby by a mile.

what makes you die?
what makes you live?
whats taken you away?
i want to know why.

what makes us hate?
what makes us love?
what makes us question?
is this just fate?



A couple of poems written by other people which have been passed on to me. Authors are unknown.

WHAT MAKES A MOTHER

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to god today,
I asked him, what makes a Mother
And i know i heard him say...
A mother has a baby this we know is true
But god, can you be a mother when your baby is not with you?
Yes you can, he replied, with confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some i send for a lifetime,others for a day
And some i send to fill your womb but there is no need to stay.
I just dont understand this god, i want my baby here.
He took a breath, cleared his throat and then i saw a tear,
I wish i could show you what your baby is doing today.

If you could see your child smile with other children and say....

We go to earth to learn our lessons of love, life and fear
My mother loved me so much i got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mum, who had so much love for me,
I learnt my lessons very quick my mummy set me free.
I miss my mummy so very much, but i visit her each and everyday,
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow there i lay,
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
Mummy dont be sad. I'm your baby and i am here.

So my dear sweet, your children are ok,
Your babies are in my home and here is where they will stay
They will wait with me until your lessons are through,
And on the day that you come they will be at the gates
Waiting for you
So now you know what makes a mother,
you.

Its the feeling in your heart,
Its the love you had so much of right from the start,
Though some may not reaslise until their time is done,
Remember all the love you had
And know you're a special mum.


BABY POEM

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
That something stopped my heart,
Although my body you can’t hold,
It doesn’t mean I’m gone,
This world was worthy not of me,
God chose I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word; I’ll fill your arms,
Some day we will embrace.
You'll hear that it was "meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes. "

But that won’t soften your worst blows,
Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do,
Another child you will bear.
Believe me when I say to you,
That I’m always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
Then you'll understand.
Although I never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes.
That doesn’t mean I never "was "...
An Angel never dies.


A forum that has helped me through my depression: www.hunny.forumup.com

Thanks ladies on this forum, and all the other forum where i have had fantastic support xxxx